Sunbeam Jack!

I can't believe that Jack becomes a Sunbeam this Sunday! For those not hip to the Mormon lingo, "Sunbeam" is the name of the 3-year-old Sunday School class. It's the first class where you're in with the "big kids," vs. in the nursery. Every January, all the kids who turned 3 that year head on up to the Sunbeam class. And Jack's goin' this Sunday! Yay, Big Boy! On another big boy note, Jack also had his first dentist appointment today. He did really well, although we were told that we should start flossing his teeth. Now, really, do I REALLY need to floss this kid's teeth twice a day? Come on, people! I need a Diet Dr. Pepper just thinking about the stress!

(BTW, apparently this dentist is the Mecca for overprivileged little ones - not only do they have a treehouse playhouse in their waiting room, and 15 X-boxes to play with while waiting, but the kids can choose from 100+ movies to pipe into their exam room during their visit! Man alive! I was lucky if my evil dentist gave me novacaine when he filled my cavities, and these kids have everything short of a chocolate river and oompa loompas at their beckon call!)

Merry Christmas (Post Mortem)

Hope everyone had a great Christmas today! We had a great one in the Sorenson household.

For Christmas Eve we had a traditional turkey dinner, after attending a Christmas Eve performance at Crossroads United Methodist Church (that's where Jack goes to preschool). We then made some cookies for Santa and watched a Christmas movie before bedtime. Miracle of miracles, we actually got Jack to sleep in his bed all night last night (a major feat), telling him Santa would only come to houses where all the kids were in bed. (Too bad that tactic won't work the rest of the year.) Then at a respectable morning hour, Jack came in and asked if it was morning, and if Santa had left presents. Sure enough, the crafty old elf had!!

The kids had a blast opening their presents - Jack's favorite was his R2D2 laptop (bought selfishly so Jack would leave Dad's laptop alone), and Ellie's favorite was her camera (ditto, so Ellie would leave Mom's camera alone). In a twist of "great minds think alike," Jared and Lydia both bought each other waffle makers, so now we can serve an army of hungry breakfasters if we want!

We spent most of the day lounging in our new jammies (Jared got some cool superhero jammies from Crystal, which Jack thought were the coolest ever) and playing with our new toys. Lydia, not surprisingly, managed to sample just about the whole box of chocolates from Guy and Linda before the morning was out - hey, that's why they invented New Year's Resolutions, right! Then off to my brother John and Remi's for a fun Christmas dinner (a traditional and yummy German viener schnitzel), before coming back home for some well-deserved rest for Santa's Elves.

Man, I love me some Yuletide!


We managed to get the kids to sit for one milisecond for a photo before diving into their presents


Notice that tube of lip balm that came in Ellie's stocking. She was obsessed with it, and half of the time Jack had to open her present for her, because she was busy running over to me asking me to open it for her - "Mommy, peeze, my lips, my lips!"


Jack loved his R2D2 laptop - we'll have to see if it truly meets the durability requirements of a 3-year-old


Jared, hard at work, manning the waffle makers we got for each other - me, I'm not sure I like waffles enough to have two of them, but Jared, he's picturing himself as a waffle-making machine! Watch out!!


Old School Part 1: One of Jared's presents was some old-school Lincoln Logs - he mentioned he had loved them as a kid. Jack loved them at first, then ended up making them into Army men, who eventually all perished in a twisted game of Ring Around the Rosie.


Old School Part 2: After playing with the fancy-schmancy toys, Ellie's favorite ended up being her coloring book and her new art easel


Merry Christmas, Otis!


Cheese! (That's basically all that Ellie understands right now about her new camera, but we're working on it)


Ditto on the kids' new Vtech bike thingie - Jack loves it, but is too lazy to peddle consistently, so Sucker Mom ends up moving his feet half the time


Sorry, Mother Earth - here comes a whole new addition for the landfills!

Caught Red-Handed

Guess who we caught red-handed (and red-suited) in our living room this morning, trying to give us presents!

Merry Christmas!!

Hope everyone has a FANTASTIC holiday and a wonderful new year!!!!!!

Mars vs. Venus

So, let's say that Young Jack (heaven forbid) passes gas or burps. What should he say?

According to Mom: "Excuse me"

According to Dad: "Take that!"

And by the way, Jack is NOT tired, and he does NOT need to take a nap. Why would you think such a thing? Silly.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

Since I tortured you with talk of bodily waste last time, I figured it was time for happy-skippy thoughts. So I'll tell you about our fun weekend - and no feces involved, I promise!

So on Friday night, Jared's brother and sister-inlaw spent the night. It's always fun to see them - they're so fun and easygoing - plus it forced us to clean the house, which was much much needed.

Then on Saturday, my parents hosted their annual "Christmas Eve" party - it's no longer on Christmas Eve due to travel schedules, but hey, we can pretend. There were 60+ people in my parents' not-so-big house, which was a bit crazy, but it was great to see a lot of my siblings and all their kids and grandkids. And Santa paid a visit and all the kids got to sit on his lap. Jack, true to form, asked him for Spiderman underwear and guess what my friends - HE GOT IT!! Yes, Santa's Workshop was able to produce it just in time for the Big Man Himself to give it to Jack. Ellie of course didn't ask for anything, but Santa gave her a Tinkerbell doll just for good measure.

Now, on to Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Years! Yay! (And yes, what you're thinking is probably right - most of my "yay" surrounds the thought of yummy Christmas food)

What I've Learned

They say that you can learn something from all the little obstacles and pitfalls in your life. So lately, I've been learning a lot about .... bodily waste.

Like when Jack peed in the chapel at church, I learned that it takes a LOT of paper towels to clean up the contents of a 3-year-old's bladder.

And when, soon after, Jack peed in the play area at the mall, I learned that Lysol wipes are a mom's best friend.

And finally when Ellie pooped - and then reached in, extracted aforementioned poop, and smeared said poop on the play structure at McDonald's, I learned that, well, that's a lesson for you - if you live in my area, stay clear of the McDonald's play area, because I can't guarantee everything got cleaned up properly.....

So see? You learned something today, too!

Do they have rehab for 3-year-olds?

'Cause Jack needs it. Stat. This kid ingests practically nothing but chocolate milk. All he wants. All day long. Chocolate milk. It's so bad that he even turned down SNOWMAN PANCAKES! Now come on, people, who turns down snowman pancakes? That's just not right!

So in the festive spirit, Jared made yummy-for-your-tummy snowman-shaped pancakes this past weekend. (He also bought me a pre-Christmas present of snowman-shaped mugs and gourmet hot cocoa, so he's really earning the extra Hubby points right now.) But did Jack want some? Nope. Just wanted chocolate milk. So we put our foot down and said no chocolate milk until you eat your snowman pancakes. Do you believe we had to try and FORCE our child to eat pancakes, chocolate chips, colored sugar, and syrup? Yup. But he still said no. Instead, he sullenly retreated to the family room where he whined that "it's not fair!" that he couldn't have chocolate milk. So clearly our child has a problem. On the upside, though, I got TWO snowman pancakes. Score.


These looked a little bit better before the gooey chocolate chips and the sugary red mouth started melting - but trust me, they were yummy


Now Ellie knows how to enjoy some yummy pancakes


Stinker Pants Jack staging a protest regarding the lack of chocolate milk

Jack Attack

This was pretty much my evening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlGRiAKvVVA

Except the babysitter handled it way better than I did.

Diet Schmiet. I am SO having chocolate tonight. Just try and stop me. Chocolate is the best friend of Single Mom with Hubby Far Away. Other best friends include -

(1) Curbside to Go - are you aware of this lifesaver? Just when I thought I couldn't eat another chicken nugget, I was saved by Curbside to Go - just drove on over to Macaroni Grill and parked (all the while with the kiddies happily watching "Shrek" in the car), and a nice young man brought me capellini pomodoro, a nice garden salad, sinfully delicious garlic bread, and chocolate ravioli. If he had brought me a massage and told me I looked skinny, I might have married him on the spot.

(2) Tivo - Tivo for kiddies and Tivo for Mommy. When kiddies are out of control, just call on the Great and Powerful Tivo, and poof, "Spiderman" or "Curious George" or "Max and Ruby" to the rescue. Ta-da. And then, once the kiddies are in bed, ahhh, Tivo Take Me Away, Mommy gets to watch "Law and Order" and "Bones" without interruption. Bliss.

(3) The Mall - yes, the suburban staple - but when all else fail, you can just let the kids run mad.

(4) Knowing that I'll only be Single Mom for another 2 days, 1 hour, and 34 minutes longer before Hubby comes home and rescues me.

(5) Chocolate. Yes, I mentioned that first. Thought it would be nice to mention it first and last - you know, like nice, chocolatey gooey bookends. Ahhh....

It makes me wonder...

(1) At what point did I start looking like Mrs. Claus? Because I swear, the resemblance is there. I'm thinking it's time to look into some contacts and some Oil of Olay.

(2) Is it just me, or does ol' Santa look like he's led a HARD, HARD life? He too might want to dip into some of the Olay fountain of youth.

(3) And speaking of that ol' rascal, do you think he'll sue me for pain and suffering after having my big ol' booty crushing his poor little old man leg?

(4) And who do they think they are charging $20 for a picture with Santa? I almost had a heart attack when I heard that price, but I didn't want to be the Mean Mom in line who didn't buy photos of her kids

(5) And by the way, why is it so hard to explain Santa to kids? Jack has not let up with all of the questions - all of the reindeers' names (and their friends' names and their wives' names), where the elves come from, and how it is that Santa is supposedly making toys at the North Pole when really he's talking to kids at the mall. This is COMPLICATED!!

Now, Really, Is That Necessary?

Now that's just wrong, isn't it. Sweet, sweet Ellie - so cute and dainty....until you give her a morsel of food. Then she is literally the messiest eater I've ever seen. It's just disgusting, frankly. The other day, we were making chocolate chip cookies, and I gave her a handful (an Ellie handful, not a Big Lydia handful) of chocolate chips. A minute later I turned around to discover that, like the loaves and fishes, the chocolate had somehow multiplied and she had gotten it on her face, her hands, in her hair, and, I kid you not, in her EYES. Now really, how does that happen with 5 chocolate chips? It's just wrong I tell you.

Now, the upside to all of these is that photos like these (taken by Aunt Robyn at Thanksgiving) will provide a wonderful blackmail opportunity when she decides to start dating. Of course, if these eating habits continue, Ellie dating may not be something we need to worry about.

Conjunction Junction, What's Your Function

It's always amusing to watch toddlers learn grammar. Jack has recently discovered the joy of conjunctions - and, or, but - and uses them anytime he possibly can. But apparently he's concentrating so hard on it that he drags out every conjunction while he determines what should come next. It's cute, but when he gets on a roll, it could look to the casual observer that he's having a mild stroke:

"Anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.....Anakin Skywalker started as a little boy, butttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.....he turned into Darth Vader, Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddddddddddd Yoda is green, and he has a green light saber, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttt Boba Fet's dad is Jenga Fet, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttt Darth Vader is just pretend, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Ellie can watch it too orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I can watch it in my playroom because I'm big andddddddddddddddd I'm so strong"

Cute at first. Painful after that.

But it reminded me of the "Conjunction Junction" song from Schoolhouse Rock - ok, so most of you probably aren't old enough to remember those, so just humor the old lady, ok? You can see it on YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkO87mkgcNo

It's awesome!

And the "Crawl in a Big Hole and Die" Award Goes To......

Me, after today's "Otis incident." I'll explain it, then we'll speak of it no more.

So, in the past, Otis has had a tendency to escape - run out the space between your legs when you're opening the front door and head off into the wild blue yonder. And of course this afternoon - the very day Jared leaves on a trip - he does it as we're heading out for a quick grocery store trip. I tried to catch him, to no avail. So I put the kids in the car, and try again to catch him. All I manage to do is look like a moron chasing a 10-pound fuzzball around. So after about 10 minutes of this, I start the car up, hoping he'll chase the car and want to get in. No dice. So finally, after making a spectacle of myself for about 20 minutes I say, screw it, and we head off to the grocery store, hoping the 15 minutes will calm me down enough to go after him again. We come back and he's gone. We go out looking for him. No luck. I go home to make dinner but feel guilty, so I bundle the kids up and we go out looking for him again. No luck. Cold. Dark. So I bring the kids home. And the phone is ringing - caller ID says "Animal Control." Lovely. So here's the deal. My dog RAN INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE. Oh, but it's better - these poor people happen to be TERRIFIED OF DOGS. So they call Animal Control, who go into the house to capture the rabid beast, and then hold him in their van until I get there to pick him up. He's clearly traumatized, you know, having to sit in the warm Animal Control van and eat cookies. Me, I'm mortified, and will most likely have to change my name and my appearance and flee town.

Let's speak of this no more.

Spiderman Underwear! a.k.a. Kiddie Popsicles

Spiderman underwear - That's what Jack told Santa he wanted for Christmas

Yup, that's right, we're gettin' in to the Christmas spirit, people! We started the long weekend with Thanksgiving - true to my promise, I ate more than any self-respecting construction worker, then Tae Bo-ed myself into infinity the next morning in a vain attempt to counteract the effects of Thanksgiving. Friday we also got our Christmas tree, which Jared managed to put up with a minimum of cussing and in spite of the "help" that Jack and Ellie provided.

On Saturday, we went up to "Breakfast with Santa" at Boyds Bears Workshop in Gettysburg with some of my siblings and nieces and nephews. The kids loved seeing the Boyds Bear characters and of course the Big Man Santa. Remember that Santa scene in "Christmas Story"? Well, they had a setup like that - you climb up the stairs to see Santa on the "rooftop," then when you're done, you go down the slide, but not in a freaky demonic way like in the movie. Jack loved the whole thing, although we had a minor meltdown immediately after. He bravely told Santa that he wanted Spiderman underwear for Christmas, then when he came down the slide, Teen Elf handed him a little miniature Boyds Bear. Right then, his little bottom lip start to quiver, and then the waterworks began. Turns out that, being new to this Santa Claus thing, he thought that you told Santa what you wanted, and then he gave it to you RIGHT THERE. So he was terribly disappointed that he didn't get his Spiderman underwear on the spot. So I had to launch into a whole explanation of Santa's workshop setup, production times, and Christmas Eve delivery procedures. Luckily, Jack seems to get it now and only asks me 10 times a day if it's Christmas yet.

After Boyds Bear, we headed on over to Hershey Park. The kids had a blast on the rides, and they have some nice Christmas decorations up. It actually wasn't too cold when we got there, but around dinnertime the temperatures started to drop. When the kiddies started turning into little popsicles, we decided it was time to head home. All in all a great time, although afterward I realized that I left with only one lousy chocolate bar, so I clearly failed in that area. But otherwise, a blast. Now we're back and into the holiday spirit, so it's time for some cookie bakin', card-writin', house-decoratin' fun!


Ellie loved her little bear, and kept giving it kisses and hugs


At the time this seemed cute, but when I see the photo, my first thought is "let my child go, you big creepy bear-mouse freak!"


Of course all the kids loved seeing Santa. And of course, true to form, as with any picture attempt, Ellie is trying to escape and Jack is trying to tackle his cousin Craig (not sure if he is Spiderman or Anakin Skywalker there, but a tackle occurred about 30 seconds after this photo was taken.)


Ellie and her cousin Brooke - they both had a blast on the rides


Exhibit A - when I buckled Craig and Jack in (and the park worker double-checked their seatbelts), Jack was in the FRONT seat


Exhibit B - somehow, a minute later when I snapped this photo, Jack was in the BACK seat - I tell ya, he's a sneaky feller - good thing the park worker didn't notice, or that would definitely have been a Big Hershey No-No, and if I have one rule, it's don't make people mad who have chocolate - they are your friends


As dark settles in, the teeth begin to chatter....


The kids are full-blown popsicles at this point, but still having fun

Gobble Gobble!

From "Chief Spiderman Jack" (who told his Sunday School teacher that he is thankful for Darth Vader) and the rest of the Sorenson clan, Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you have a great one full of family, friends, fun, and OBSCENE amounts of food. I mean it, people. If you don't have to unbutton at least one button by the end of the evening, I don't want to talk to you ever again. It would just be un-American. My ancestors came to Jamestown 400 years ago so that on Thanksgiving I can watch football and eat like a Teamster. God bless America!

It's MEDICINE, really

And speaking of chocolate-covered Oreos. Oh, you weren't speaking of chocolate-covered Oreos? My mistake, since I am ALWAYS speaking of chocolate-covered Oreos. And I was just thinking about how they're like medicine, kinda like penicillin, you know, in that they have magical healing properties. Recently, I did a field study on the health effects of chocolate-covered Oreos (in that I ate 24 chocolate-covered Oreos over the past 4 days), and have found several amazing effects.

For example, eating a handful of chocolate-covered Oreos combats the effects of-

-daughter who has now determined that life without pants is much preferred, and quite frequently drops trou' and runs around the house commando-style (or in one case, the canned vegetable aisle at the grocery store)
-son who wakes up several times during the night insisting that it's daytime, and time for him to have chocolate milk and watch "Spiderman"
-son who talks WITHOUT PAUSE all day long, explaining the ins and outs of who turns into Darth Vader, who turns into Spiderman, who turns into Superman, and who turns into Batman - very cute for the first several hours, mind-numbing after that
-daughter who insists on constant repetition of "Wheels on the Bus," "Popcorn Popping," and the theme from "Spiderman" - again, cute for the first several hours, migraine-inducing after that

But don't you worry. Pop a few chocolate-covered Oreos, and it will ALL BE OK. Now, they MUST be taken with a liquid (preferably hot cocoa, but Diet Dr. Pepper will do in a pinch), and they must be taken before bedtime and kept out of the reach of children. And for the sake of full disclosure, I should note that they do have one negative side effect - bigbootyitis. But c'mon, Marie Curie died of radiation poisoning as a result of her research, so hey, me getting a case of bigbootyitis is hardly a large price to pay for this groundbreaking research.

I'm SO Getting This

Have you seen this? I don't know about you, but I think it looks AWESOME. Of course, I have kids who wake up at all times of the day and night. And not even consistently. Jack will wake up at 5am on a Saturday, but then on a preschool day (where we have to be there by 9am), I'll have to wake him up at 8am and scramble to make it there on time.

So this thing, supposedly you set the "day/night" times on the night light (e.g., "day" doesn't start until 6am), and then when "day" starts, the night light turns to the sun, and then when "night" starts (e.g., the time you set for bedtime), it turns to the moon thing.

I'm totally getting it. It's a little pricey for a night light, but heck, what price do you put on sanity. I'll tell you:

Price of Sanity = Cost of Highlights to Cover my Gray Hairs x Square Root of Cost of Several Packages of Chocolate-Covered Oreos to Dull the Pain + the Cost of P90x, Tae Bo, and Walk Away the Pounds to counteract the effects of Chocolate-Covered Oreos

Hi, I'm Wilma Flintstone

OK, another blatant violation of Lydia's Rule Book. #57 - all BFFs MUST inform Lydia anytime they discover something cool. And apparently everyone except for Caveman Lydia has known about this for eons.....that you can have Blogger track the blogs you follow and tell you when there's an update. WHA?????? Why did people not tell me this? So here everyone is, sittin' all George Jetson-like in their rocketships having Blogger bring all the new posts to them (and probably bring them a cold beverage as well), and here Wilma Flinstone Lydia is, one-by-one going through all the blogs like some kind of savage....like an ANIMAL. It's just wrong, people. Don't you even CARE about me?!? Oh, the horror. The inhumanity of it all.

Sigh.

But by the way, that's way cool. Now I just need to get my jetpack and I'll be all set.

It's COMING!!!!!

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got my email from Food Network, announcing the upcoming start of 12 Days of Cookies. That's where they email you a different cookie recipe every day. Oh dear - I'm just oh so very excited. There aren't many things I love more than Christmas, but cookies is one of those things. So now I get to start baking (and eating) even more cookies, but without guilt, because it's all about the Baby Jesus! OK, so a little sacrilegious, but Momma's gotta have her cookies!!!

So first I'm going to start by going through the archives of cookies past (http://www.foodnetwork.com/12-days-of-cookies/package/index.html) to try out some I missed the first time around. They're looking YUMMMMMMY!

(Admit it, that looks yummy, doesn't it - c'mon, indulge - it's the happiest season of all, my friends!)

Primary S.O.S.

Tip of the Day:
If you WANT to serve in Primary, then tell everyone you meet that you DON'T want to serve in Primary. Then...poof...they'll call you to serve in Primary!

Yes, despite telling everyone who would listen that I'd like a break from Primary, I now teach 11 very active, very sweet 5-year-olds. My first day was tiring, but good. But trust me on this one - there WILL be candy. If not to bribe the children, then to smooth Teacher's frazzled nerves. Oh yes, my friend, there WILL be candy. So anyway, I'm sending out an S.O.S. to anyone with ideas for keeping 5-year-olds occupied for an hour during class - I did fine this week, but I was new and different for them - I have a sneaking suspicion they could eat me alive. I got that Primary Partner book, and have found Sugardoodle - if anyone else has ideas for games or things to fill up the time, holler out!!

Oh, and by the way, Quote of the Day (by 5-year-old sitting next to Jared at church):

Girl: "What's your name?"
Jared: "I'm Brother Sorenson."
Girl: "Are you missing some hair?"


(Jack and Ellie, ready for church - and yes, we were running late, which is why they're fresh out of the bath and heading off to church with wet hair)

Happy Birthday, Thomas!

Happy Birthday to my big brother Thomas! He and I have the same birthday, exactly one year apart (yes, my poor, crazy mom). He always was and still is a great big brother. Happy Birthday, Tom!

Men are from Mars....

Look strikingly similar?

Sweater on the left is the green Ann Taylor sweater I wore yesterday. All day. At home. With my husband.

Sweater on the right is the green Ann Taylor sweater my husband bought for my birthday today. Not realizing that I already had one.

And yet I'm surprised he doesn't notice when I get a haircut?

[OK, so in the interest of full disclosure, he also bought a new GPS to replace the one that got stolen out of our car when I left the car unlocked, despite his many reminders to always lock the car, and ok, so I'm supremely lazy for not locking the car even though I have the beepy thing that's remarkably easy to use so ok, he gets a Get Out of Jail Free Card on the sweater thing.]

But on the other hand....

Proud Parent Moment:
Jack got his haircut last night. As we were getting ready to leave, he ran up to his room, and came back with his piggybank - "I need to bring money for my haircut!" He didn't have enough money for his haircut, but he did have enough for the tip, so he proudly put it in his pocket, and after his haircut, pulled it out, gave it to the stylist, and sweetly said thank you. Awww....

Perplexed Parent Moment:
He got a thing of Smarties for getting his haircut. But did he eat them? Nah. He wanted me to NAME the Smarties, yes, name them. Then he wanted me to take PICTURES of Smarty 1, Smarty 2, and Smarty 3. (Sorry, not very creative names, I know - but c'mon, they're CANDY!!) So, um, he's...imaginative? creative? a little too attached to his candy? hmmmmm.....

I Just Can't Stop Myself!

This is just too freak-tastic!



Oh, and good news! We finally made it through a whole movie! Yesterday, Jared suggested we take the kiddies to see Madagascar 2 (cute, but a few too many adult jokes). Last time we tried this, Ellie didn't even make it 15 minutes, but whatcha know, she practically made it through the whole movie. About the last half-hour, she started wandering, but luckily, there were only like 6 people in the theater, so it was ok for her to walk up and down the stairs. But then I noticed that she was eating popcorn.....OFF THE NASTY FLOOR....so Jared had to take her out into the hall to play until the end of the movie. But not bad, eh!

I Just Couldn't Resist

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

OK, saw this on Robyn's blog - it's sick and it's wrong, and I just couldn't resist it. It's just so awesomely disturbing.

No TV Night

I admit it, if I actually had the free time, I'd be a couch potato. It's a good thing I'm busy, or you'd find me lounging back with a remote in one hand and a pint of Haagen Daas in the other, watching old episodes of "Law and Order" until my eyes glaze over. Luckily, Jared is not a couch potato, and occasionally steps in to ensure that the kids don't inherit my ailment.

Last night, it was No TV Night. First Jared initiated a game of hide-and-go-seek. Turns out Jack is an expert hider, as long as he could avoid the snickering every time a seeker came near. Ellie, not so good - she sang to herself the whole time she was hiding, and if it took you more than about 30 seconds to find her, she'd get bored and come looking for you. So she won't be trying out for the Olympic Hide-and-go-Seek event anytime soon (I think that's an actual event - it comes on right after that weird thing where the girls dance around with the ribbons). Hide-and-go-seek was followed by pretend (Jack does an excellent Otis), then some situps (I'm serious), singing, and storytime. All leaving the kids a bit riled up, but they had a whole lot of fun.

Of course, as soon as Lydia put the kids to bed, she watched 2 episodes of "Law and Order." OK, so it's hard to teach an old potato new tricks.


One of Jack's many excellent hiding places. Also included under his bed, in his closet, and in a laundry basket.


The trick to finding Jack is to find Ellie first - Turncoat Ellie will then show you where Jack is hiding.


I was surprised that Ellie actually remained quiet in this hiding place.

Socialist Chunky Monkey - Yum!

OK, so why didn't I get the memo that Ben and Jerry's was giving out free ice cream to anyone who voted on Election Day? I read it on Doug and Lindsey's blog AFTER Election Day, doing me no good. Don't you People know that you're supposed to notify me IMMEDIATELY of any opportunities for free chocolate or ice cream (or better yet, chocolate ice cream)? It's in the Rule Book, People! (Reference Rule #32 in Lydia's Rule Book)

Now, sure, typically I'm not a fan of the Socialist free-stuff-to-people-who-did-nothing-to-earn-it approach, but we're talking ice cream, People. Political ideologies go out the window when velvety chocolatey goodness is involved. Especially due to Rule #48, which is, free ice cream has no calories. I don't make these rules up, People, I just follow them. So please remember, next time free ice cream is on the line, you know what to do!!

Teenager Hell

Apparently I have three teenagers in my house.

Yesterday, when I told Jack he had to clean up his toys before I'd give him chocolate milk, he responded with a very snotty "Whatever." I kid you not. He's 3. He can't even button his pants yet, and he's already giving me the "Whatever." He has also taken to saying "it's not fair!" every time something doesn't go his way.

Meanwhile, Teen Dream Ellie (20-month-year-old), when she doesn't get what she wants, will scream "No, Mommy!" and then throw whatever is within reach. For added emphasis, she'll then come over to you and hit you. When I tell her that we don't hit, she will then finish up her performance with the throwing of another object across the room. If she were old enough to slam her bedroom door, I'm sure she'd do it.

Then there's my thirty-something teenager husband who was having trouble finding his PDA. He muttered that he can't wait until the kids get older and don't get into his things. I reminded him that I had bought him a multi-charger, a nice little gadget where he can charge his cell phone, PDA, and Ipod, and which is up on the dresser out of reach of little hands. But no, he responded, he wants to be able to leave his stuff wherever he darn well pleases and have no one touch it. I wanted to respond that that's just not practical with kids of any age, but frankly, I was afraid he would tell me "whatever."

You know, I think tomorrow I'll join in the teenager fun. I'm going to sleep in 'til noon, walk around complaining about how un-cool my family is, and then spend the evening on my cell phone, talking with my BFFs while I watch "Gossip Girl" on TV. Sure, my kids might not get fed and the house might get condemned, but, Whatever!

Happy Halloween!

Tired. That's what we are today. We had a fun Halloween last night - although if I were to step on a scale, I'm fairly certain my poundage would reflect the consumption of about 18 pieces of candy. So I'll just have to throw the scale out the window, that's all. Problem solved.


Jack loved going trick-or-treating with his friends (although after an hour he announced to me that he was bored and wanted to go inside, get his Spiderman pajamas on, and watch "Scooby Doo"). Ellie got bored with the door-to-door thing too, but loved passing out candy with Dad.


Jack did a good job of correcting everyone when they called him an elf or Ellie a princess - he'd get into fighting stance with his dagger and yell, "I'm Peter Pan! And this is Tinkerbell!"


We were surprised that Ellie actually kept her costume on all night. In fact, I had to fight her to get it off of her at bedtime. (By the way, notice the chocolate on her face, before we even started trick-or-treating. Poor girl takes after her mom.)