Hot as Blazes

It's hot as blazes around here. Does anyone still say hot as blazes? Well, I do. And it is. Hot as blazes, that is. So we decided to get our newly recovered selves back into the summer swing and go to the neighborhood pool. Except someone had done something unspeakable in the pool (and thus I will not speak of it), and so they closed it for the day. So we headed over to our gym, which has a small outdoor pool, so we could cool off. The kids had a great time, it was nice to get some fresh air, and other than Ellie making inappropriate gestures/yelling at everyone/screaming that she was drowning to get attention, it was nice and uneventful, just like I like it.



Ellie had a blast at the pool - she thinks it's particularly funny to pretend to be drowning, then say just kidding. I - and I'm sure the lifeguard - find that truly hilarious.

She's got quite the dive going - even a couple of belly-flops

After swimming for a while, we took a break and played in the fountain

Jack got into the swing of things, karate chopping the water. Although he's quick to remind me that he does taekwondo, not karate, Mom.

Our playtime in the fountains ended when Ellie started pretending that the fountain water was her pee stream. We're very classy that way.

It's nice to be back in the land of the living.

Get Outta My House

Well, we're starting off the week AFTER Surgery Week, and I'm happy to say that the kiddies are OUTTA MY HOUSE. Luckily, they are fully recovered from having their adenoids removed, and we are all thoroughly sick of each other after almost a week stuck in the house, so I gleefully and joyfully dropped them off at summer camp this morning - I'm PRETTY sure I at least slowed the car down before I let them out, but I was in such a joyful daze that it's kinda hard to remember. And me, I'm back to work at my home office this morning, a little bit tired but otherwise dandy, thanks to two things:

My Get-Well Kit:

(My Kindle, my books, my remote, my chocolate of course, some Ibuprofen to take the edge off, and my all-important Diet Dr. Pepper)

And My Mr. Mom:

Jared did an awesome job of entertaining the kids all week

But by week's end, he was DONE. By last night, he was ready to run away from home. So it's a good thing that we're all ready to GET OUTTA MY HOUSE.

Lost and Found

Lost: One thyroid, formerly found inside Lydia's body. If found, please return immediately.

So, as you know it's 'Everything Must Go! Week' at the Sorenson home. Three days after the kids had their adenoids removed, I had my thyroid removed.* This has meant that Jared has had to do more cooking, cleaning, and nurturing than he's done in the past 8 or so years. And I must say, other than sending my son to camp today with only chocolate milk and a string cheese in his lunch bag, he's done pretty well. And my surgery experience was pretty darn uneventful. We arrived at the hospital around 6am yesterday, and I was in surgery by 7:30. I don't know when it ended, but when I woke up in the recovery room, it was maybe 9:30 or so. I had to wait a bit for a room to come available, but finally was settled in around 11. The kids had made me awesome cards and pictures, had brought a nice big bag of Hershey Kisses,** and gave me nice gentle hugs before heading off. I had to stay in the hospital for 24 hours (to be technical, I believe it's 23:59 for insurance purposes), and it was pretty easy - only complaints are those stupid vibrating things on your legs to prevent clots, and of course having your tushie exposed to the world every time you have to walk across the room. But hey, my tushie's not all that bad, so maybe I was just giving everyone a nice show.

So they let me loose at 10am this morning, and I'm now heading toward the couch to vegetate and celebrate the end of Everything Must Go! Week.


The kids, waiting to give me my goodies


No, don't adjust your computer screen, the picture's blurry, but it's the only one I've got - and judging by how I looked after surgery, it's probably best that it's blurry - you're welcome


So now that we're done with Everything Must Go! Week, I'm thinking maybe next week will be Shark Week?



*So I had pain and stiffness in my shoulder, so I went to an orthopedist. He said it was probably a rotator cuff injury (and he was right), but he ordered an MRI of my neck to rule out any disk problems. The MRI did rule that out, but noted a 1cmm nodule on my thyroid. So they measured my thyroid levels, which were fine. But to be safe, they sent me for an ultrasound - which was inconclusive. So they sent me for a fine-needle biopsy, which found what they call papillary thyroid cancer. Which fortunately is one of the 'good' cancers (hah) that is slow-growing and has like a 99% survival rate, so that's a good thing. The bad thing is that they have to yank out your thyroid - which is what they did.

**Which I unfortunately couldn't eat, since it hurts to swallow. Can you imagine having to sit next to a big ol' bag of Hershey's Kisses ALL DAY LONG and not eat them!?! Now, that's WAY worse than the tushie-showing gown!

Trapped

Jack and Ellie have been home the past couple of days, recovering from their adenoidectomies (yes, Microsoft, that's a word, don't you give me those red squiggly lines). We're supposed to keep them in the house for like 5 days, but that is SO not going to happen. Because if we're stuck in the house much longer with them, you'll see a news report on TV about us that ends with '...before turning the gun on herself..."

Jack actually knows how to be sick. He's been laying around, sleeping a bit, watching TV, and basically being low-key. Ellie, on the other hand, apparently doesn't know that she's supposed to be sick. She's been running around like a crazed Energizer Bunny, doing activity after activity after activity. In the past couple of days, instead of resting and relaxing, she has done a makeover on herself (think lots of glitter), and tried to do makeovers on the rest of the family. She has gone through every craft activity I bought her, including jewelry making, shrinky dinks, playdoh, paint set, coloring books, puzzles, and a whole bag of dollar-store finds I THOUGHT would entertain her for a while. She has built a fort, a Lincoln Log village, another village made out of blocks, and homes for her American Girl dolls. She has had us read her about every book we have, and has read several Bob books to us. And she has DRIVEN US CRAZY.

So screw the doctor's instructions, we're getting this kid out of the house. And if she's lucky, we'll bring her back afterwards.

Everything Must Go!

It's Surgery Week in the Sorenson household, and everything must go! All extraneous or troublesome body parts? Kiss 'em goodbye! Surgery Week started today with Jack and Ellie's surgery to remove their gargantuan adenoids. We arrived at the surgery center at 6:15am, and got checked in with no problemo. Ellie went in first (as she told the recovery nurse later, "I always go first, since I'm pretty brave"). They let me go in with her until she fell asleep, and then I met up with her again in the recovery room about a half-hour later. She came through like a champ, and we cuddled until we heard Jack coming out of his surgery. I said 'heard,' because boy, did we hear him coming. Jared, Ellie, and I were sitting there and all of a sudden heard the blood-curdling screaming of a little child - "get off of me!" "I can't breathe!" "ahhhhhhh!" - and I sweetly told the recovery nurse, "I believe that's ours." Sure enough, they wheeled him in, kicking and screaming and obviously quite confused from the anesthesia. He beat up on Jared for a few minutes before finally getting his bearings and settling down. After a wee bit of vomiting from both of them (hey, what's a little vomit among friends), we were on the road and home before 11am. Jack was asleep on the couch within 5 minutes, and Ellie was ready for breakfast. Surgery Week continues later this week, when I get to have my thyroid removed (like I said, everything must go!). Luckily I've taken notes from the kids' experience so that I can be prepared: (1) yell and scream at the nurses, check, (2) vomit on them, check, (3) demand food as soon as it's done, check. I've got it covered!


The "Before" Picture: Jack and Ellie getting ready for surgery, and Jared and Lydia getting ready for HAZMAT cleanup. True to form, the nurse had to help me with my getup, as I was trying to put one of the shoes on my head. I'm clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Ellie in the recovery room - I think she looks much thinner without her adenoids. In about 5 minutes from this picture, she'll be even thinner, minus all the vomit.

Twin Power

Obviously Jack and Ellie aren't twins - they're 15 months apart. But most people assume that they are. I've always been worried about this - that Jack would get his feelings hurt (since clearly they think he's younger than he is). But actually, he likes it, and even plays it up a bit by matching clothes with Ellie. I get a little ribbing sometimes when my kids are matchy-matchy, but it's actually by their choice - quite often, Jack will see what Ellie's wearing, and go in and change to match. I'm sure in a couple of years they'll both get tired of it, but for now, hey, here's to the matchy-matchy twin power!

Obsessed Much?

I think we MIGHT just have a bit of obsessive personality running in our family. Ellie gets something in her head and it would take an act of Congress to get it out. And Jack will stick to a theme 'til you're ready to scream - we're taking a trip to Hawaii later this summer, and ever since we told Jack, it's Hawaii this Hawaii that - pictures about Hawaii, stories about Hawaii, he'll want to wear Hawaii-related clothes, you name it. But just as I'm ready to roll my eyes at those obsessive wee ones (CLEARLY they get it from their father), there's The Smell.

Let me tell you about The Smell.

I happened to be in my bathroom, and noticed that the toilet, well, stank. No biggie - I live with two boys, they sometimes miss. I didn't have time for a thorough cleaning, so I quickly grabbed some Lysol wipes and wiped down the toilet and surrounding floor. And went along with my day.

A few hours later, was visiting the bathroom, and noticed, man, it REEKS. So I thought, busy work day or not, this is unacceptable. So I took a break from work and got my cleaning supplies and scrubbed down the toilet, the floor, every surface I could find. And went along with my day.

A few hours later - STILL STANK!!

So that spurred another round of Lysol Wipes. And the next day, another thorough cleaning of the bathroom.

Two days later, I'm still obsessed with this stink. So Jared suggested maybe it was the WALL near the bathroom. So last night, like 9pm, I'm scrubbing all the walls. And clean the toilet again for good measure. Take a break to get my nose re-acclimated, then went back in - STILL STANK.

So I drag Jared into the bathroom and demand that if he loves me, he will clean this toilet so it no longer stinks. Well, let me tell you something about Jared - he rarely cleans, but when he does, HE CLEANS. So next thing you know it, he's elbow deep in the toilet, he's got a toothbrush, he's got a brillo pad, he's going at it like a madman. This toilet has never been so clean. I dare say no toilet has ever been so clean. So finally I'm able to go to sleep, content that The Smell has been resolved.

And then I woke up this morning. And granted, it doesn't stink anymore. But I don't trust it. I think The Smell is still there - just lurking, hiding, luring me into a fall sense of security before it pounces on me. I might just have to get a new toilet.

Obsessed, much?

Oh, Jack

Sure, he looks confident - even cocky - doesn't he. But that's BEFORE the doctor came in for his pre-op checkup (they're both having their adenoids out next week) and five minutes after this picture was taken....

He was hiding under my chair.

Literally.

Took another five minutes for me to extricate him from the chair and get him to let the doctor examine him.

Then he spent the next hour having a meltdown that the doctors were going to take a PART OF HIS BODY!! and just THROW IT IN THE TRASH!!

Oh, Jack...

The Ellie Way

Ellie has become notorious enough on our block that her name is often used as a noun, verb, or adjective to describe behavior that is, well, Ellie-ish: "That is so Ellie," or "is she going to pull an Ellie?" Pulling an Ellie typically means doing something really loud, really dirty, really intensely, or just a wee bit crazy. It can really drive us crazy when Ellie pulls an Ellie, but usually we just accept that, well, that's just Ellie. Like today in church, when we took the sacrament (communion), and she suggested that if she just took TWO pieces of bread and threw a fruit snack in the middle, it'd make a tasty sandwich. Or when you have to be careful walking past any puddle or sprinkler, as she'll want to run madly through it while screaming "I'm getting so stinkin' wet!!!" So of course we expected that when she had her pre-k graduation and her end-of-year dance recital, she'd go all Ellie all over the place. But I have to say, for the most part, she was very un-Ellie. Which means we didn't have to apologize to ANYONE at all. It was so very nice.


We had to wait quite a while for the graduates to come, and once they did, it was hard to even see them from the back row. Luckily Jack had a birds-eye view.

The rest of us had this view.

Ellie was quite good all through the graduation, and she wants me to tell you that she was the very best at the pledge of allegiance.

Our proud little graduate

And her grandmom and granddad

The next day we had her end-of-year dance recital. Between you and me, it was a bit of a letdown because she took a hip-hop class and since the recital theme was circus, they didn't actually DO HIP-HOP. They just did kinda generic kid-dancing, and frankly, Ellie was a bit bored by it. She also hated this particular tutu - apparently it itched - and at the end of this dance, yelled out to the crowd "I hate this stinkin' tutu!!" It was very eloquent.

She was pretty good with the 'juggling' part of the dance. But yeah, still kinda bored.

And she was definitely the best at the tumbling portion, although she did it Ellie-style. While most of the little girls tiptoed around and delicately hopped from part to part, Ellie tore through it like was an Iron Man competition. I'm not sure that's what the teacher intended, but that's certainly what we expected - Ellie all the way.

Boys and Their Toys

Jared just got back from a trip; while he was gone, we bought him his Father's Day gifts. Since it was abundantly clear that a certain-someone-who-I-won't-name-but-whose-name-rhymes-with-Smellie wasn't going to be able to keep the gifts a secret, we decided to give them to Jared on his first day back. We got him the requisite boring gifts - new shirts and a fancy grill brush - but we also got him a TOY - a new skateboard. And not just any skateboard - the same model that he bought as a sandy-haired 14-year-old, scraping together his precious paper route money to buy the coveted board. So needless to say, when he saw this beaut of a board, he was a very happy boy. I dare say there was a slight bit of glistening in the eyes - keep in mind that he had dry eyes at the birth of both of his children, but glistening eyes at the sight of a skateboard. Perhaps I shouldn't comment further on that, other than to say BOYS AND THEIR TOYS.

Happy Early Father's Day, Baby Daddy!

Why I really should question my education

Jack: "Mom, what's the difference between fur and hair?"
Mom: "Ummmm, that's a good question, let me think about that"

Jack: "Mom, what's the difference between cold blooded and warm blooded?"
Mom: "Ummm, that's a good question, let's look that up!"

Jack: "Mom, what's the difference between a street and a road?"
Mom: "Ummm, that's a good question, we'll have to look into that"

Jack: "Mom, what causes a tornado?"
Mom: "Ummm, that's a good question, let's ask Dad!"

The next question hasn't come yet, but I'm anticipating it will happen very soon:

Jack: "Mom, do you know absolutely ANYTHING AT ALL?"