Oh Yeah, I've Got It Going

Yeah, I've got it going - I've got this morning routine thing UNDER CONTROL.

Kind of like how, despite having woken her up several times, I can't get Ellie out of bed finally until 5 minutes before leave-the-house time.

Then, realize as she's about to head out, that she has lost her, like, 18th earring backing.

Get her off to school, and come back to get Jack ready to walk out the door - only to find out that he has no clean pants that "fit right." Dig through clean laundry (which of course isn't folded and put away) and finally find pants.

Take the dogs on a walk as we head to the bus stop - and despite several stops at nice, public grassy areas, have dog who prefers to now poop in the middle of the road. Do best to clean up, but have to come back, get bottle of water, and return to try and clean up the road.

Get back to the house, take a deep sigh, and get ready to start my work day - and then glance over to the kitchen to see that Jack's lunch is sitting on the kitchen counter.

Ahh, just rockin' this morning thing, my friends!

Jack Hates Spelling Bees

This is Jack. Jack spells well. Spell, Jack, spell!

In this case, Jack spelled well in the middle school spelling bee. Jack did great, and frankly made it farther than he wanted to, since he actually kinda detests spelling bees. He grumbles about participating, doesn’t prepare, and sits there looking stone-faced and constipated until he gets eliminated, then he is all smiles. So, yeah, I think we are done with spelling bees. But P.S. - the cookie was yummy. Yeah, I ate it. I deserved it after sitting through that &@“& spelling bee.

Now that all of his baby teeth are finally gone, it’s time for Braces Part Deux. Jack was a champ at the two-hour appointment, but just in case, on the way there, he made me memorize an escape plan in case things got too real. It was roughly based on the prison escape plan used in “Goonies,” and involved me laying down a ring of fire around the perimeter of the orthodontist’s building, so I’m glad we didn’t have to execute.

The Future of Science

Jack is really concerned about the future of scientific inquiry. In science class, he was learning to put together DNA strands, and got fussed at by the teacher because he was designing Mutant DNA. After much civil discourse between the two, Jack discovered that his teacher was NOT familiar with the X-Men, and did NOT see the value of designing Mutant DNA. Jack encountered a similarly small-minded science teacher before, who did not like Jack's depiction of the forest food web, which indicated that zombies were at the top of that food web. The teacher disagreed, though, because zombies "are not real." But fear not, my friends. Jack assured me that, although he did create a "normal, boring" DNA strand to please the teacher, he did a separate Mutant one on the side. One cannot stop the progress of science.

You Never Know When You Might Need One

You know what I think is extra-sexy about me? How I always have spare doggie poop bags in my pocket. And my purse. And, well, apparently everywhere. I was recently introduced to a new work colleague, and pulling my hand out of my very-professional-and-snazzy coat to shake his hand, I accidentally pulled out roughly a million poop bags. And I just know that he thought, DAMN, this woman has got her act together.

I mean, I only THOUGHT that I was at the height of my "she's-got-her-sh*t-together-ness" when I had small children, and would get to the end of my day and realize that the whole day I had spit-up on my shoulder. Or, while working from home, be impressing my colleagues with my expertise on a telephone call when one of my kids would scream out "butthole!" for all my colleagues to hear.

No, it's only now that I've reached the pinnacle of impressiveness, when I can present myself to colleagues and neighbors and strangers full-on with dog-hair-and-slobber-covered clothes and ... pockets full of poop bags.

Try to contain your jealousy. Really, pull yourself together. Like me. And carry a few extra poop bags while you're at it - you just never know when you might need one.

Closing Out the Year

Clearly, one of my New Year resolutions should be 'make more timely blog posts,' since this Christmas post is just a wee bit late.

This was our first Christmas back after our adventure in Belgium, and we enjoyed a cozy, quiet one. It included all of the regular traditions, including

Ellie putting the star on the Christmas tree...

....gingerbread houses....

....a celebratory meal (hello, Morton's chocolate cake!)....

...Christmas pajamas....

...Ellie complaining about her Christmas gifts (I didn't say all of these were GOOD family traditions)...

...Jared's cinnamon roll Christmas tree on Christmas morning (which helped make up for Ellie's complaining)...

...and the famous Sorenson orange rolls (aww, who cares if Ellie complains, I've got orange rolls!)