They're EVERYWHERE

I've made a remarkable discovery about kids. It's taken years of first-person research and analysis using the scientific method, but I finally discovered it. Feel free to quote me. Here's what I discovered about kids:

THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE.

When I wake up at 5am, they're there, demanding chocolate milk.
When I'm in the shower, they're there, pressing their noses against the shower door.
When I'm in the bathroom, they're there, sticking their hands under the door.
When we're having "quiet time" (naps? what are those?), they're there, climbing on me (and not in a quiet way).
When I'm on the computer, they're there, hitting my keyboard (poor "E" is hanging on by a thread) and coloring on all my files.
When we're playing outside with the neighbors, despite 15 other kids, they're there, pulling on my skirt and demanding that I push them/pull them/hold them.
When I'm cooking, they're there, emptying out all the cabinets.
At 2am, when I'm sleeping, they're there, climbing into my bed. Ditto at 3am.
And when I wake up again, guess what, they're STILL THERE.

It's a remarkable phenomenon, I tell you. They're just ALWAYS THERE. Maybe you more experienced moms can tell me - at some point, will they please go away? Not for a long time - maybe just go away for a half-hour? Fifteen minutes? Five minutes? Pretty please with sugar on top?

My Family from WiddlyTinks.com
I saw this widget thingie in Robyn's blog and thought it was cool. In fact, I thought it was somehow their real silhouettes, it looked so close. So here's mine. Yeah, I know, not perfect (yes, my widget's way too tall), but hey, it's still cute!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Yup, Jared's heading out of town again in a week or so - this time for 2 full months. So, like we do with all of his big trips, we've started a to-do list of things we want to get done before Jared leaves to lighten the burden while he's gone. Here's the list so far:

1. Get oil changed on cars.
2. Clean out cars (although, frankly, I'm thinking that we have a pretty good food storage going in there, if you count old chicken nuggets and Teddy Grahams).
3. Change air filters throughout house.
4. Clean house. Wait 5 minutes for kids to destroy, then repeat.
5. Clean out garage so we don't look like the Clampetts.
6. Fertilize lawn. (This is Jared's to-do. Mine is to prepare for muddy fertilizer footprints and pawprints throughout the house.)
7. Stock up on chocolate, Diet Dr. Pepper, and TV dinners.
8. Hide anything kids can use as a weapon. Hide anything Lydia can use as a weapon.
9. Find someone to watch two kids for approximately 2 months while I hide under the bed.
10. Kiss my sanity goodbye.

J-A-C-K

So I guess if you can't teach a kid one way, try another. Jack, although he has done well with things like numbers and shapes and colors, not so good with the letters. And every time we sit down with him to try to teach him to spell his name, it lasts all of 20 seconds before he gets bored. So Jared had a great idea to make it physical, and put his name down in tiles on the floor - then he had to jump from one letter to the next spelling his name. And wouldn't ya know it, he now can spell his name. I'm sure this is Teaching 101 for all you teachers out there, but we're just amateurs, so give us time to figure this stuff out!

Three Questions For You

(1) Would I be a Bad Mom if I conveniently "lost" this teeny tiny Star Wars shirt that makes my son look like an orphan, even if it's his "most favorite shirt in the world"? (Oh, and by the way, that's "Super Cat Boy")


(2) How is it that these two kids, of noticeably different heights, wear the same size? Sure, Jack's a bit skinny and Ellie (like her mama) has some junk in her trunk and a bit of a belly, but really? The same size? I'm thinking the garment industry is already trying to make my daughter feel fat. I think I'll write a letter. (And before you say, but gee, that skirt is big on her, that skirt is a 4T.)


(3) Is it troubling that I have so many photos of my kids in the tub?

Last Supper

So on the last "Top Chef," each of the cheftestants had to prepare a meal for a famous chef, what that chef had said they'd want for their last meal on earth. So I was thinking about what my last supper would be - and I decided it'd be a meal at Morton's. Oh. My. Goodness. Jared and I went there for Valentine's Day, and oh, my, goodness. It was So. Very. Yummy.

So we started with some yummy bread of course, followed by a starter of French Onion Soup. Lots of gooey cheese on top, of course. Then I had the most heavenly filet mignon you could imagine - delicious bernaise sauce, and it practically melted in your mouth. Had a baked potato roughly the size of my head and some grilled asparagus. (My last supper I'd probably substitute broccoli, or heck, just skip the veggie - I mean, I'd be dying anyway, right?) But then....oh my....the dessert. Have you had Morton's hot chocolate cake? It's one of those that you break into, and all the chocolatey goodness oozes out like a lava of love. It was AWESOME. Basically, I wanted to marry it. But unfortunately, our country does not yet recognize the loving union between a woman and her chocolate cake, so me and the chocolate cake just had to share one illicit evening together. And so worth it, big thighs or not.

So please note, anyone who happens to be around when I'm nearing the end.

Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love

Dear Valentine:

I love you because you're such a good teacher to the kids, even though you teaching them to dunk their food did lead to Ellie's cookie-dunking-in-the-toilet escapade (henceforth known as the "unfortunate incident").

I love you because you're young at heart, even though I could do without the snickering every time someone says the word "balls."

I love you because you're good to your family, even though you are a bit of a Mama's Boy (really, is her pork chop sauce that special?).

I love you because of your dedication to work and willingness to go around the world at a moment's notice, even though I can do without the in-depth descriptions of your gourmet meals in Paris while I'm eating chicken nuggets at home.

I love you because, let's face it, you're put together well (this is a family blog, so we'll just leave it at that), even though it is quite annoying to this "sturdy" gal that you can maintain six-pack abs and a 6 1/2-minute mile while running once a month and eating cookies for breakfast.

I love you because you're always willing to drop everything to help anyone out who needs help, even though it'd be nice if you'd mention it to me so I don't wonder why it's taking you an hour to get the mail.

I love you because you're adventurous, even though you did ditch me at the top of Angel's Landing and hurled me down a snowy mountain yelling "go with the mountain, baby, go with the mountain!"

I love you just because I said so. And I'm always right. Or so I'm trying to convince you. :-)

Love,
Sexy Pants
(no, that's not what Jared calls me, but I really think he should)

Superjack and Jelly Bean

I got pictures taken of the kids for Jared's Valentine's Day gift. (Giving it early since 2-year-olds and 3-year-olds aren't so good at keeping secrets.) I didn't much care for the photographer, who kept trying to pose them in these awkward cutesy poses (hello, did I mention they're 2 and 3?). But we managed to get out a few, which is all I need - heck, if we can get out of there without causing structural damage to the establishment, I consider it a success!

Ellie spent the first 10 minutes whining (perhaps in part because the photographer kept calling her Ella), but eventually she got into the spirit of things.

Of course Lydia forgot to put a diaper cover on Ellie, who didn't seem to want to keep her legs together - fortunately, she kept it G-rated for this photo

This is Ellie with her best buddy Emma. The family right next to us had an Ella and Emma, which really made it confusing when the two photographers would yell out instructions.

Jack was a trouper, and in fact, wanted ALL of the pictures to be of him.

This is the best one we could get of Jack and Ellie together. Somehow, their group shots kept ending up with someone getting tackled.

In an attempt to get them to move back from the camera, the photographer told them to touch the screen - immediately my kids expertly put their hands on the wall and spread 'em as if preparing to be handcuffed. So at least we know they're well prepared for the future. Could a mother be more proud?

Meet McNasty

It was going to happen eventually, what with Ellie's dirt eating, cookie-toilet-dunking, and love of putting food in her hair. Let's face it, she's cute as a button, but she's also quite foul. So my friend Crystal took her and Jack to a playgroup yesterday, and sure enough, as they were enjoying a picnic and playing outside, she acquired the name McNasty. Not sure if she was eating dirt at the time, or perhaps smearing food on her face. Perhaps both. Let's just hope these habits of hers go away soon - I'm guessing there aren't many prom queens named McNasty.

Sleep 101

Benefits of Sleep:
1. Boosts concentration and brain power
2. Aids in healthy growth
3. Helps the body make repairs
4. Reduces stress
5. Can cut through a tomato like it's paper - oh wait, that's a Ginsu knife, but you get the point

Oh, and
6. Helps ensure that Lydia is NOT a babbling idiot

So why, oh why, don't my children realize the wonderful benefits of sleep and, well, SLEEP?

The other night, between the two of them, they woke up 6 times during the night. And keep in mind they're not even late risers - Jack is up by 6, Ellie by 6:30ish. And they don't nap. Last night, 4 times, and both ended up sleeping on my floor. I tell ya, it's madness. And my brain is ever so slowly turning to Silly Putty. So I think it's time to set some ground rules.

Appropriate Reasons for Jack and Ellie to Wake Up Mommy In the Middle of the Night:
1. I need to go to the bathroom
2. I need some water
3. I had a nightmare
4. I am vomiting or have a fever exceeding 105 degrees
5. The house is on fire
6. There is a flash flood
7. Aliens have landed
8. I just wanted to wake up to tell you how skinny you are, Mom

Inappropriate Reasons for Jack and Ellie to Wake Up Mommy in the Middle of the Night:
1. I need chocolate milk
2. No, really, I really need chocolate milk
3. Can I have a cupcake?
4. Is it daytime?
5. Is it daytime now?
6. Hi Mommy, Hi Mommy, Hi Mommy, Hi Mommy
7. Can I watch Spiderman? No, how about Caillou? Scooby Doo maybe?
8. Do you know where my Green Goblin toy is?

Happy Birthday, Ellie!

Why You Gotta Love Ellie:
1. The girl's not afraid to get dirty. (Anyone who knows her knows that's quite the understatement.)
2. She loves princesses and fairies, but also trucks and bikes.
3. When she counts to 10, she actually says 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, and then keeps up the 6s until I get creeped out and ask her to please stop.
4. She'd wear her Tinkerbell costume every day all day if you'd let her.
5. She loves pretty much all food, but especially chocolate. Not sure where she gets that.
6. She "swims" the whole time she's in the bathtub, and yells out "lookamee, I'm a mermaid!"
7. No matter how bad a mood she's in, you can usually solve it with an episode of "Max and Ruby" and some cookie dough.
8. Because if you don't, she'll mess you up, my friend. She has a temper, and she's not afraid to fight dirty.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Bounce, Baby, Bounce!

Today we celebrated Ellie's birthday (she turns 2 tomorrow). Since we had so much fun with Jack's bounce party for his 2nd b-day, we did the same this time around. The kids had a blast - they played non-stop, and were thrilled to be able to play with all of their friends. After the party, we took a little rest time, and then Jared took the kids out to their friend Kaela's 4th birthday party while I stayed home to get some much-needed work done (and ok, maybe did a little veggin' as well, and ok, some chocolate was involved). Thanks to Grace, Will, Jacob, Noah, Morgan, Ethan, Drew, Kaela, Robert, Sophie, Craig, Brooke, Emma, Madison, Lauren, Natalie, Ryan, Spencer, and Jane for bouncing with us!

Go, Jack, Go!

Our big boy learned how to ride his tricycle!! I wish I had a photo of him riding it, but it kinda snuck up on us so I wasn't prepared. Last summer and fall we had tried to get him to learn how to pedal and ride his tricycle, but he just didn't seem very interested - much preferred being pushed around. So this week, on our one warm day, we decided to take a walk. He wanted to be pushed on his tricycle so I did that.....and then I glanced down and noticed that he was pedaling quite steadily - so I let go, and sure enough, he rode the bike by himself, without even realizing it! Of course, once he did, he wanted to do it "all by myself" and he wanted to show his friends on the block. He still has some work to do on hills and such, but man, what a big boy!!!!

When Dippers Go Bad

OK, so Jared is a "dipper" - he dips his cookies in milk, his french fries in ketchup, pretty much everything that can be dipped, he dips. And he's trained our children to be dippers big time. But normally, I haven't objected, because a lot of time, it's the only way I can get them to eat something, if I give them a sauce to dip it in. But sometimes a mom's gotta draw the line.

So, I gave Ellie a peanut butter cookie, and she happily ran off ... and I didn't see her for a while, so I go looking for her. (Do you see what's coming?) And I find her .... in the bathroom.... DIPPING HER COOKIE IN THE TOILET AND THEN EATING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is that not the FOULEST thing you have ever heard?

Dipping gone bad, my friends, dipping gone bad.