Volcano Island

This weekend we went to a little waterpark near our house called Volcano Island. We went with our friends the Goodmans - Jack and their son Matthew met in preschool 3 years ago, and they've been good buddies ever since. I'm glad we finally found a weekend where we could all get together, because we had a blast. Jack had a great time catching up with Matthew, our water-baby Ellie had to be dragged out of the water when it was time to go, and Jared and I got to be big ol' lazy bums and watch the kids from our comfy lounge chairs. Unless you threw in chocolate, it'd be hard to plan a more fun playdate. Although really, we should have thrown in chocolate. Lesson learned.



The three amigos

Unfortunately, you have to be 48" tall to ride the really big slides - and Jack is 47". And yes, they measured (as Jared tried to sneak him onto one). But that's ok - they still had fun on the smaller slides.

Our Jelly Bean, who never misses the opportunity for a photo op

That picture reminded me of this one, almost 5 years ago when we visited another local waterpark - doesn't that make you just want to make silly baby noises and squeeze her cheeks!

Speaking of photo ops, Ellie sees another camera!

'Til next time!

That's Why

The kids have been giving me fits lately going to bed. They like to sleep in the same room, and despite much evidence to the contrary, the optimist (aka moron) in me keeps thinking that, yes, this night it will be ok and they will settle down. Poor, misguided Lydia. So last night was no different - put them down at their 8:30 bedtime, and spent the next TWO HOURS trying to get them to actually sleep.

Step 1 - foolishly allow them to sleep in the same room
Step 2 - realize, after screaming "go to bed!" "Ellie, stop throwing things at your brother!" "I'm not kidding, go to bed!" "don't make me come in there" and "if I have to come in there....!" approximately 57 times, that it's not going to work
Step 3 - move them to their separate bedrooms
Step 4 - realize, after screaming "Ellie, stop yelling to your brother in the other room!" and "Ellie, stop throwing things out your door into Jack's room!" approximately 83 times, that it's not going to work
Step 5 - threaten to remove all privileges and rights (some of them possibly unalienable) if they DON'T GO TO STINKIN' BED
Step 6 - wonder why I do this every night

But then I finally get them down.
And I finally relax.
And I finally get myself to sleep.
And this morning, while I'm working downstairs, I hear them stirring upstairs.
And I hear Ellie call out "Mommy, I need a BIG MOMMY-SIZED HUG RIGHT NOW!!"
And then Jack yells, "Mommy Tabedos, I love you SO MUCH I'll never stop hugging you!"

I don't know why he calls me Mommy Tabedos. We may need to look into that at some point.

But still, I go up and dispense Mommy-sized hugs immediately. Because they're my crazy, bratty, silly, awesome kids. And because I'm Mommy Tabedos. That's why.

Good Times, Good Times

We were lucky to have Jared home for the past month while we kicked off our summer and recovered from various surgeries. But now it's time to get back to the traveling grind, so Jared headed off on another trip this week. And last night, when he called me to check in, I was reminded of all the wonderful memories of his trips and my not-trips......

-Like when he called me from the top of the Eiffel Tower, eating a gelato, and I looked down at my plate of .... chicken nuggets.

-Or when he called me to tell about his camel ride around the ancient pyramids, and I told him about our trip to the mall to ride the carousel.

-Or when he called to tell me about his experiences in Red Square, and I told him about my experiences with explosive diarrhea.

-Or when he called from the USO Tour, telling me about all the celebrities he met, and I got to tell him about how I hadn't spoken to a single adult all day.

-Or last night, while I was screaming at the kids for the 57th time to get back in bed, and he called while lounging in his hotel room, watching "American Reunion." OK, so maybe in that case I had the better deal. He can have that one.

Good times, good times....

Other Phrases I Thought I'd Never Use

"Jack, please take that sock off your penis and get dressed"

"Ellie, stop calling your brother a stinky poopy butt head."

OK, that one I did assume I would use - I did grow up with 7 brothers after all.

But the sock one?

Yeah, no. That's a new one.

I'm covered in bees!

"I'm covered in bees!"

Anyone know that one? If you don't, it's Eddie Izzard (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs-tl6GBOBo) - if you can ignore his fancy little outfits, he's really quite funny.

But anyway, I'M not covered in bees, but Jared sure has been. Yesterday we discovered a beehive (or wasp nest? I really don't know the difference between wasps and bees, so we'll just go with bees) on the outside of our back door, so of course we had to take care of things. Meaning, Jared has to take care of things, because I'm no dummy, I'm not going near a flippin' beehive. Originally, Jared was feeling all must-save-the-bees, and didn't want to spray the nest. So the Crazy Man just knocked it down with a broom, hoping the bees would happily fly off to a nicer neighborhood. Um, no, they pretty much swarmed him, as bees are apt to do. So then he turned the hose on them - actually, the sprinkler attachment was on, and being swarmed by bees, he didn't really have time to take it off, so he turned the gently flowing sprinkler onto them. When that didn't work ("I'm covered in bees!"), he eventually turned to one of my nice spatulas (damn him) and an ability to run really dang fast.

And this morning, I look outside (from inside of course, I'm no dummy), and what do I see? Those busy little bees working to build a new hive (nest? whatever) on our doorjamb again. So Jared has pretty much screwed the save-the-bees stuff, and has emptied a big ol' can of kill-me-some-bees spray on them. As it should be.

You can't tell from the picture, but he's covered in bees! Sorry, I can't help myself.

Upon realizing that I was gleefully snapping photos of him, he turned the gently flowing sprinkler on me.

My Little Taggers

Both my kids love to draw (or in Ellie's case, 'make projects'), and it always tickles me when I find random pictures throughout the house - luckily, on paper these days and not on our walls. I might head into the bathroom and discover a picture of ninja dogs, or open up a kitchen drawer and find a picture depicting an epic battle between aliens and vampires. I have to be careful when I find one of Ellie's projects, though, because hers involve lots and lots (and lots) of sticky glue, as she's not satisfied with one-dimensional artwork.

Here, a look at my recent finds-
(1) The ever-popular Phineas and Ferb pictures, of course. I think of that as old-school graffiti around these parts, since Jack has been drawing these for a while now.

(2) Ever since we announced our upcoming trip to Hawaii, that's also been a common theme. Not sure why the chicken is wearing a DIAPER, except for the fact that to a 6-year-old boy, apparently anything involving bathroom language or private parts is quite hilarious.

(3) Vampires are also all the rage now. Jack has a regular series of stories going - there's Vampire Town, and also Vampires of America, and don't forget Vampires in Space. That's slated to be a classic.

(4) And of course Jack's latest passion - ninjas. Here, the ninja dogs fight the pirate dogs. Argh.

(5) No, I'm not showing favoritism by only showing one of Ellie's treasures - it's just this one was the only one I could find that was FLAT enough to fit on a scanner. She favors LAYERS - several layers of paper, and then anything she can find glued on top of it - rocks, leaves, ribbons, you name it - and those don't fit onto a printer so well. As you can see, she loves the color, too. She's not satisfied unless she fills in every bit of white space.

Three Things

(1) Ellie has designated herself as my manicurist. Every week she does my nails, and insists on choosing the colors (yes, plural) so that mine match her. This week was shades of pink and purple - we've also done red/white/blue, and she wants me to buy some yellow and orange nail polish so we can do rainbows next.

(2) My thyroid scar (which I claim as a knife-fight scar) is looking pretty good these days - although I'm feeling like crap on a stick. If you need some fatigue, mind fog, hair loss, constipation, and dry skin, just give me a ring, and I'll share some of mine with you. Not to mention the crazy-b*tch factor, which poor Jared has had to deal with on more than one occasion. My next appointment is August 13th, which sounds not too far away for normal people, but feels like an eternity for crazy-b*tches. So...please forgive me if you have to interact with me before August 13th.

(3) They just created a new commuter parking lot near our house - it hasn't been used yet, which means it's super smooth for skateboarding. Yesterday, Jared took Jack and a couple of neighborhood kids over there to test it out. Other than it being 1,000 degrees of hotness, it was pretty awesome.

Skater Dudes

We got Jared a skateboard for Father's Day, and since then, Jack's been asking for one of his own for his birthday. Well, it's not his birthday yet, but heck, it's summertime, and Jared wanted a skating buddy, so on the way home from work last night, Jared stopped by and picked up Jack his own board. We were both pleasantly surprised by what a natural he is on the board. And I was surprised by how much of a Mini-Jared he looked like on that board.

His first time on the board - no falls yet, but don't worry, we'll buy him some pads

Look at that cool board. Rad. Tubular. Sweet. OK, I don't actually know any skateboard terminology, so just fill in the blank with the appropriate term.

Heading off for their first ride

Tell me they don't look like Big Jared/Little Jared clones

Go skater dudes!

Phrase I Never Thought I'd Hear

"Mom! I accidentally peed in the trashcan!"

Universal Truths

Jared simply can't do a pushup without being dogpiled by Ellie

and the dog

and Jack

Poor Jared

Pandy

Please meet Pandy, that is, Panda Blanket. Jared's mom gave this blanket to Ellie for Christmas a couple of years ago. While both my kids have security-type blankets, Ellie's poor blanket just gets ABUSED. Ellie drags that poor thing inside, outside, all over every dirty surface you can find. She snacks with it, she cuddles with it, you name it.

In other words, it's FILTHY. It's a petri dish of germs and bacteria. I'm pretty sure we could get it classified as a biological weapon.

I try. I really try. I wash it every time I can wrestle it out of Ellie's vice-like grip. But the minute it's out of the dryer, she's dragging it through the muck again. Thank GOODNESS she doesn't take it out in public, so at least it's just our private shame.

Poor Pandy.

Perfect Storm

(1) I'm adjusting to my post-thyroidectomy-thyroid-medicine hormones
(2) It's, ahem, that time of the month
(3) It's frickin' 100 degrees outside
(4) I'm trying to cut back on desserts

This, my friends, is what you call a Perfect Storm of Crazy-A** B*tch.

And my poor family is clinging to a dingy in the middle of it.

And, because #1-4 causes me to be a crazy-a** b*tch, part of me smiles at that fact.

A different kind of 4th

Every year we go to my parents' place for the 4th. But this year my mom was sick - she's on the mend, but the 4th celebration was canceled, so we had to come up with something to do on our own. So each of us got to vote for one thing we wanted to do. I voted for crabs, since we always have them at our annual 4th parties, and I just associate the 4th with crabs. So that started off the list. Then Ellie voted to go to a bookstore. While I have no earthly clue what that has to do with Independence Day, I never turn down a trip to the bookstore, so that got added to our list. Jack voted for sparklers, which luckily our neighbors always do every year anyway. Easy-peasy and added to our list. And Jared voted for an Independence Day parade in one of our nearby towns. After multiple days of 100-degree weather, that didn't appeal to me, so I rationally and logically explained my position to him.

OK, so maybe not rationally and logically - I MIGHT have thrown a whiny-girl hissy fit and I JUST MIGHT have thrown out the phrase 'if you loved me you wouldn't drag me out into the sun' and MAYBE JUST MAYBE I might have used the thyroid-cancer-card. Yup. I went there.

But it's SO STINKIN' HOT!!!

You understand, right?

Well, Jared didn't, and MAYBE JUST MAYBE might have referred to me as a 'crazy person.'

Which probably isn't a good thing.

But hey, it got me out of the parade, right?


Mmmm, crabilicious. Jack and Ellie mainly just banged on the crabs with mallots, but at least it kept them busy while I gorged myself. You don't even want to know what we paid for those suckers, but let's just say that hey, Jack and Ellie don't REALLY need their college funds, right?

Then off to the bookstore - you might be shocked to hear that I actually did NOT buy any books. That may have something to do with the fact that I spent our retirement money on crabs, but hey, it's still impressive I think.

I decided that, in honor of Independence Day and it being an election year and what-not, I'd bake each of the potential first lady's cookie recipes. Michele's white-chocolate-dark-chocolate-chip-cookies flattened like pancakes - may have been the heat, not sure, but they went right in the trash after this picture. Ann's M&M cookies turned out fine, but I probably wouldn't make them again - although I liked them fine, I could see them being a bit polarizing - not everyone would be a fan of the oatmeal, or the crunchy peanut butter.

Finally, it was time for some firework fun on the street. Ellie went through a bazillion sparklers

Jack was a bit more weary of them and handled them like highly charged explosive devices

One neighbor was setting off fireworks at the top of the street, and one was setting them off at the bottom of the street - resulting in a very smoky street. It's hard to see, but Ellie was busy giving her buddy rides on a tricycle - of course he fell off a half-dozen times, but being kids, they just kept getting back on.

All the kids loved watching the fireworks - and staying up way past their bedtime. And I loved that the heat of the sun was gone.

Yeah, still hot as blazes

It's still stinkin' hot around these parts, but that hasn't stopped everyone from getting out and about. Jared has been helping Jack practice his baseball skills every evening, which has led to big games with all the kids on the street.

Jared was very patient helping Jack and all the other kids with their form

Getting ready for the hit - it's hard to pitch to a little kid, so Jared's pitches were sometimes a bit high

But Jack still managed to whack it

Later, Mister Steve from our street helped Jack with his stance - doesn't he look cute with his serious face on?

Ellie didn't want to play baseball, and instead wanted to collect rocks and twigs - since that would mean me discovering rocks and twigs all over the house the next two days, I suggested she be a cheerleader instead

She was quite, umm, enthusiastic as a cheerleader

And really got the crowd going - or perhaps they just thought she was having a stroke

Either way, she shook her little booty like nobody's business