Negotiations

So every night at dinner we have negotiations with Jack:

"How much do I have to eat so I can get dessert?"

This kid. This kid just doesn't EAT. Very little meat. No fruits other than apples. No pasta of any kind. No soup of any kind. Nothing that is mixed together in any way - no sauces, no casseroles, nothing. The kid doesn't even eat pizza because of the sauce. And even the things he does eat - vegetables, rice, bread, a little beef or tuna, and yes, desserts - he eats in such small amounts that it's frankly surprising he can sustain life. For goodness sake, the kid doesn't even finish a bowl of ice cream. If I weren't actually present at his birth, I'd question his parentage.

So last night, another negotiation - and an attempt at some sneakiness:

Jack: "How much do I need to eat?"
Mom: "Can't you just eat it all? Wouldn't that be fun?"
Silence
Jack: "How much do I need to eat?"
Sigh
Mom: "OK, all your peas, 2 pieces of cheese, and 5 edamame"
(Mom heads over to sink)
Approximately 10 seconds later
Jack: "OK, I'm all done!"
Mom: "There's no way you ate that fast"
Jack: "No really, I'm all done, it was really delicious"
Mom: "OK, what did you do with it"
(Mom is looking under the table, trying to find the dog to see if he has the food)
Jack: "No, really, all done, yum yum!"
Mom: "That sure was fast, Jack"
Jack: "Oh yeah, it was just so yummy, I gobbled it right up!"
(Jack is smiling just a bit too much)
Mom: "Uh huh, why the big smile, buddy?"
Jack: "Oh, I'm just so happy because your food was so yummy!"
Silence
Jack: "I love you, Mom!"

P.S. - the food was hidden in Ellie's soup bowl

The Acorn Doesn't Fall Far

So we took down our Christmas decorations yesterday, and as we were winding down, Ellie headed upstairs. As I went upstairs myself, I saw her cleaning the family room - I also heard her muttering:

"Well, I guess I'm just going to have to clean this family room all by myself."

"Well, I guess I must be the only one living here, because I seem to be the only one cleaning."

"Well, I guess I must have made this mess all by myself, because I seem to be the only one cleaning up. Wait, I DIDN'T make the mess all by myself, and yet I AM the only one cleaning, that's just so weird."

"No, no, no, you guys don't worry, let ME clean everything up."

(Then, in a not-so-quiet voice) "Is someone going to come up and help me!!!!"

Hmmmm....uh....Not sure where she learned that....hmmmmm....it's a mystery to me

Boxes! Boxes! Boxes!

Ahhh, boxes. They have many meanings in my house - when the boxes show up, I'm a happy camper - because they mean new books from Amazon, or fun new toys from my online shopping adventures. Oh, and the kids....when THEY see boxes, it's pure heaven. Because to them, boxes mean forts.

And obstacle courses.

And magician boxes so you can magically saw your sister in half.

And puppet shows (this one is "The Life of Snap, Crackle, and Pop")

Oh, but for Jared....well, for him, boxes means work. And lots and lots of tiny little pieces to put together. And a lot of sweating. And a wee bit of cussing.

Ahhhh, boxes.

Tooth Fairy Alert

Well, folks, it was a major milestone here today - our first visit from the tooth fairy. After hanging around loose in his mouth for forever, Jack's first tooth finally came out. Well, it might have had a LITTLE help from Jared, but regardless, it's out. Jack initially freaked out about it (not a big fan of blood, is he, or of having his teeth ruthlessly ripped out by his father), but once I reminded him about the tooth fairy, all was forgiven. And it's about time - as you can see from the photo, his adult tooth is already in, with nowhere to go. Yup, we've got a future in orthodontics. But we'll worry about that later - for now, Jack's got his buck from the tooth fairy, and all is right with the world.

P.S. - and yes, I know he looks pitiful in the photo. This was during the "there's so much blood!" part of the day.

Reasons

Here are the top 5 reasons you should take a cue from me and mooch off my parents at Christmas:

5. They'll make yummy food for you, like Dad's roast beast and Mom's yummy pumpkin pie, peach pie, and bread pudding

4. They won't look at you funny if you ask for slices of pumpkin pie, peach pie, AND bread pudding - in fact, they'll look at you funny if you DON'T

3. They have like 10 versions of "A Christmas Carol" that you can watch - although, to be fair, at least 3 of those versions should never have been made

2. They'll watch patiently as your kids - with a complete lack of gratitude or appreciation - tear through all their presents, and their 160-pound beast of a dog will sit patiently while your 15-pound rat of a dog humps him repeatedly

1. Once you have had your yuletide fun, you can pack up the car and head home to your clean house - leaving the mess for Mom to clean up

Thanks, Mom and Dad!


We made the kids wait a little while before opening the presents until everyone was up - they were told they couldn't open anything, so they decided instead to sort them

Once given the ok, Ellie plowed right in

And luckily for everyone involved, Santa remembered her ballerina box - he knows better than to cross Ellie!

Jack's favorite gift was his Harry Potter outfit

Which he wore pretty much the rest of the day

I took a chance with the way-too-expensive American Girl Doll, since Ellie to date has shown little interest in any kind of doll - we'll see how long she lasts

And here's my favorite that Santa brought - a cool new bike helmet for Jack - tell me that isn't cool looking

After all the presents were torn open and the room was thoroughly wrecked, Ellie congratulated herself on a job well done

But not for long, because there was important princess work to be done - I'm not sure what princess work involves, other than looking pretty and waiting for the prince to kill the dragon for you - but anyway, Ellie worked hard at it

And Jack successfully dispensed of all the bad wizards

By the time afternoon rolled around, we were ready to do what we do best - vegetate - really, that's where we shine; shortly after this, we took off, leaving poor Mom with all our mess - you'd think I'd be old enough and mature enough to not leave my poor mom with my mess - you'd think that, but you'd be wrong

Merry Christmas!!

You can't fool Ellie

While driving home from dance class:

Ellie: "Miss Ashley my teacher said that she's 4 years old?"
Mom: "She did?"
Ellie: "Yeah, we asked her how old she is, and she said she's 4"
Mom: "Do you think she's 4 years old?"
Ellie: "No, because c'mon, since when do 4-year-olds have jobs?!? No, she's definitely at least 13"

Later in the drive...

Ellie: "Mom, I want to be a fairy"
Mom: "Yeah, what kind of fairy?"
Ellie: "A fire fairy"
Mom: "Wow, what does a fire fairy do - make fire?"
Ellie: "Well, I'd fly around and set people on fire"
Mom: "uh...hmmmm...that doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do"
Ellie: "Well, it'd only be bad guys - or like burglars - or you know, people I don't like"
Long pause...
Jack: "Ellie, do you like me?"

From Santa and Mrs. Claus

Jack asked me to post this. That's Santa and Mrs. Claus, as drawn by Jack and Ellie on one of their iPad drawing programs. I'm not quite sure why Mrs. Claus's bottom half is so big and round - although of course I guess Ellie does learn to draw the female form from what she sees around the house....hmmmm...maybe I shouldn't have that second (or fifth) cookie....

Cover Your Ears

Did you have an unexplained painful ringing in your years the past couple of days? Were the dogs in your neighborhood howling? Have you felt a strange disturbance in the force? Well, I can explain that - I've been singing. Out loud. In public.

I know, I know - isn't there a county ordinance banning Lydia from singing in public? True, true, but around the holidays they loosen up a little and let me sing outside the shower. And so I took advantage of that and belted out a few tunes at Jack and Ellie's school singalongs.

Ellie's was a few days ago - the kids sang a few songs (inviting the parents to join along), then had some snacks. Jack's was this morning - Ellie was able to come along, so us two gals went and sang loud and proud. I probably caused some pain (and possible inner ear damage) to the kids and adults sitting next to me, but hey, a little collateral damage is to be expected. And if I may say so myself, I was one of the few people who knew all the verses of the Dreidel song. So take that.

So yeah, maybe I'm not quite 'on key' and perhaps the word 'pitch' is a bit foreign to me. But hey, Jack, Ellie, and I got to belt out Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer at the top of our lungs, and that's all that matters.


Ellie's class singing - all the other stinkin' parents were in my way, so you can't actually see Ellie - so you'll have to just trust me that she was there

Ellie was very proud of her Santa hat

Although she wasn't all that impressed with the snacks. She gulped down a cupcake, turned to me, and said, "let's get my presents and get out of here."

Jack, at his sing-along - a couple of times he almost appeared a bit ... embarrassed - during my singing - but obviously, that's a mistake...right? Right?

She Believes

My Ellie, she has seen Santa no less than FOUR TIMES this season. So when we went down to the annual family Christmas party last night, I feared that - after seeing Santa 4 different times looking somewhat, um, different - she would wise up, scream out to the crowd of believing children, and get us blackballed from any future holiday parties.

But chalk it up to true believing - because does this look like a girl who questions Santa? I think not.

It was a fun evening with the family - with my folks, 5 of my siblings, and a ton of nieces and nephews. My parents prepared a lovely meal of roast beast, and we all contributed a slew of appetizers, sides, and of course desserts. (At Jared's family's house, they typically offer 2-3 desserts - and I cringe in abject horror - what are we, animals??) After dinner, we all gathered around to sing carols and wait for the Big Man to arrive.

Ellie hung in the back until Santa arrived, then she ran to join the other kids

and wait her turn to talk with Santa

Jack got called up first, and bravely asked for his bike helmet (and yes, Santa's elves have already made one just for him)

Ellie waited patiently to be called (patience is not her strong-suit, so that was close to a Christmas miracle)

But finally she got called up, and screamed out "Hi, Santa!!!" She wasn't shy at all, and declared to Santa that she wanted a ballerina jewelry box (check) and a Sleeping Beauty dress (um.....well...um....)

Then she ran back to show us the Ladybug Girl doll and book that she got from Santa. Jack got a Fly Guy book and stuffed animal, and they both enjoyed watching Santa talk with all the kids.

Then Santa ran up to the rooftop to his sleigh, and Jack and Ellie got into their new Christmas pajamas before the long ride home.

P.S. - Later that night, in a fit of Mom Guilt, I caved in and ordered a Sleeping Beauty dress. What can I say - I'm weak. But really, if it'll help me extend the belief for another year, I'm all for it.

Jack and Ellie's Tips of the Day

Here are Jack and Ellie's tips for a successful day at school.

Jack:
When playing on the playground, it's best NOT to pick up your friends to show your amazing strength. But if you DO decide to pick them up, it's best NOT to drop them on their heads.

Ellie:
When you ask your teacher to zip your coat before recess, and she says to try yourself first, it's best NOT to tell her she's very, very bad, and that Santa won't be bringing her any presents.

Momentous Occasion

Sound the trumpets. Alert the press. Look up in Revelations to see if this is a sign of the apocalypse. Because I assembled a gingerbread house that DIDN'T FALL APART.

Oh sure, that may not SOUND impressive. Sure, you probably made homemade gingerbread (and didn't use the pre-cooked, pre-cut type that I used). Sure, you probably designed an intricate house that would make Frank Lloyd Wright stand up and cheer (unlike the modest little hovel I constructed).

But you must understand - please try to understand - that every single BLEEPIN' year that I've put one of these gingerbread things together, I've done a horrible, sad, pitiful job, and the dang things have collapsed in on themselves the minute the kids stick an M&M on it.

But not this one. Oh, no, not this one. This one stood its ground. Like the wise little piggie who built his sturdy brick house, this one withstood the big bad wolf - or rather, two kids with M&Ms and gumdrops.

So please, let's observe a moment of silence for this momentous occasion.

Lydia's gingerbread house stands.

P.S. - Coincidentally, this morning I also saw a video from my friend's sister-inlaw, who makes gingerbread houses - http://morganworks.net/gingerbread/two-story-house.htm - look at those houses, then look at mine...then pity me

P.P.S. - but at least it's still standing!


Hard at work with decorations. I held my breath the hold time, praying that the bleepin' house wouldn't collapse.

I included this picture because it looks like my kids have been drinking. I should add that they have NOT been drinking. Just for the record.

It stands. Maybe next year I'll try something fancy. But for now, it stands.

Crafty By Association

As you know, I haven't a crafty bone in my body. But luckily for me, I have family members who are crafty. And they send me stuff. And so I get to be crafty-by-association.

This week, my sis sent me this (it doesn't photograph well, but trust me, cute)


And her crafty friend made these 'quiet books' for my kids. They're really cute. Of course, they didn't technically keep my kids QUIET. I think that would require a surgical procedure. Or duct tape. But it did keep them entertained.

Jack likes to use the little felt pieces to make himself a taco (one of the few foods he'll actually eat in real life, not just felt life)

And of course Ellie's favorite food - pizza

Needless to say, my favorite is the bakery page

Me? Not so crafty - wouldn't have the skill (or patience) to make those. But I've been busy in the kitchen making the neighbors' treat plates - raspberry-chocolate fudge, cranberry bliss bars, chocolate chip cookies, and these heavenly things - they don't look so pretty, but they yummy and peanuty and chocolatey and delicious

My neighbors don't like to bake much - but I do, so I can be the neighborhood baker - and they can be bakers-by-association

My Work Buddy

I love my new office. Have I mentioned how much I love my new office? It's the best present Jared has given me. It's very calming, very soothing.

And this is what I see while I'm working - my work buddy Otis. He curls up on one of the beanbag chairs while I work, and basically sleeps my work day away. Until he thinks I might have a treat.

Then he perks up.

Then he goes into full-fledged begging mode. Until he realizes that my camera isn't really a treat. But I pet him, and that makes him happy, and he returns to his beanbag. He's a good work buddy. I try to remember that when he costs me $326 at the vet, and I have to collect a fecal sample to bring into the vet's office. Because that's not so calming and soothing. But I'll still let him be my work buddy anyway.

P.S. - but really, $326? Really?
P.P.S. - and for $326, you'd think THEY could collect the fecal sample, right? Right?
P.P.P.S. - calming, soothing, calming, soothing, breathe in, breathe out

Winter Means

Winter in our house means:

Snowman pancakes from Jared

Lots and lots (and lots) of artwork from Jack (expect lots of trees to be killed this season, because he churns out 5 or 10 of these a day)

And winter soup from Ellie; she decided this morning that she is going to prepare some 'winter soup' for our dinner tonight - according to her, that includes rain water (because she's always wanted to taste rain water)*, chicken, carrots, and celery. Mom will handle all the 'hot parts' of the process, and she will do the rest.

*Please note that the 'rain water' will actually be mostly tap water, as Mom was supposed to set out cups on the back patio to catch the rain all day but didn't remember until now and will have to do a little bait-and-switch

Your kids may be B-R-A-Ts if......

...you purposely sit next to the loudest kid in the congregation in the hopes that your kids' behavior will be blamed on him

....you count it as a good day if neither of your kids has called you 'stupid' or 'the worst mom ever'

...when you pick up one of your kids from school/Sunday school class, you hesitate to make eye contact with the teacher, for fear of a Deadly Laser Stare of Shame from her

....the grandmas often shake their heads and call it 'poetic justice'

....people often use euphemisms when referring to your kids - 'they're so....active," "busy," "vocal," "energetic"

....you spend more than a used car on an iPad in order to ensure a tantrum-free plane ride (and consider it money well-spent)

...your kids' nightly prayers include the phrase "and help us to not have to go to the principal's office tomorrow"

...at least once a day you think to yourself, "man, those kids are brats!" But they're MY brats, and I kinda like them. So you can keep your sweet, well-behaved, service-oriented little cherubs, thank you, I'll stick with my brats. They kinda suit me. (I guess there's something to that poetic justice after all.)

Today's Lesson

When you put up the tree, make sure it's really, really, REALLY in the tree stand. Because if not....this happens. Your tree comes crashing down while you're trying to beat your high score on Pacman on the iPad. (For the record, Jared wants it known that he DID indeed beat his high score.)

But never fear, after about an hour of sawing and cussing and more sawing and more cussing and then a lot of cleanup, it's all back up again.

And we're ready to start the holidays.

P.S.: Brandi, please note all the groovy colors. And they blink. My only regret is that they don't play music or turn off when I clap my hands. (A note: Brandi doesn't like the coloreds. She only likes the whites. She feels that coloreds don't belong in her home. But I was raised by my parents to believe that whites and coloreds can live together peacefully in our home.)

Winter Wonderland

While we were in Utah, we got to kick off the season with a bunch of Christmasy stuff - ice skating at the Christmas Village, a ride on the Polar Express, and the lights at Temple Square. Jared's parents and the Brothers Sorenson (not to mention a couple of sisters-inlaw) were great to take us around. This was the kids' first time ice skating - Ellie took to it, while Jack did the obligatory turn around the rink and then joined his mother shortly after that. (Really, we all agree I embarrassed myself athletically enough on the slopes, right?)

The Polar Express was cute - but be warned, if your kid is older than, say, 6, he's probably not gonna buy the premise that you're making it all the way to the North Pole in 45 minutes, that when you travel on a bridge over the 'Arctic Ocean' you can see both sides of it, and that the elves look suspiciously like teenagers (Ellie was wise to that one). And for my taste, Santa could have sounded a bit more manly, but maybe that's just me. Truthfully, I would have preferred if they didn't even have the premise of going to the North Pole - really, would it have been bad to just say you're taking a fun, wintry train ride and Santa is going to drop by? But that aside, it was a lot of fun - hot cocoa and chocolate chip cookies, singing carols, and an old-fashioned train ride.

We started out the day at the Christmas Village near Brother Doug's place. The kids were disappointed that Santa was out to lunch. I was secretly glad, since I was concerned that seeing Santa looking kinda different at this place from how he looked on the train later in the day might lead to some, um, confusion. If you get my drift. BTW, that's cutey cousin JayCee.

Jack didn't so much like the ice skating. Which I guessed when he yelled out "I told you this was a bad idea!"

Under Brother Doug's tutelage, Ellie did great.

Well, for the most part.

A whole line of Sorensons

Getting ready for the train to take off. When Jared's grandparents took him on this train, they bought him and his brothers engineer hats - so Jack and Ellie's grandparents continued the tradition.

As we were waiting for Santa to board the train, our hostess had everyone yell "Ho! Ho! Ho!" to get Santa's attention. Ellie yelled so loud that there was a contest - Ellie vs. The Rest of the Train. Ellie won.

The kids were thrilled to meet Santa. Ellie asked for a ballerina box, which thankfully Santa has already had his elves build. Jack asked for a bike helmet, which Santa's elves have to get on the ball and build.

The singers invited some of the kids up to sing with them. Of course Ellie did great. Since she's awesome.

All of the kids got Rudolph noses and silver bells. Which we had the privilege of listening to ALL THE WAY HOME. There were a lot of kids. And a lot of bells. It was loud.

We also made a trip to Temple Square to see the holiday lights. Ellie started off the evening with an Olympic-sized tantrum (picture Lydia dragging Ellie through the streets of Salt Lake City as Ellie screams "I don't WANT to see the stinkin' lights!") but she was finally distracted enough that she calmed down and peace was restored.